I have several cats and I was buying a large bags of Whiskas in the local supermarket.

Whilst I was standing in the queue at the checkout a woman behind me asked me if I had a cat.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Whiskas Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time I tried it, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awoke in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Whiskas dried cat food and simply eat a handful every time you feel hungry. I explained that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly the man who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the cat food.

I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my arse when a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out of the doors.

Stupid cow...........why else would I buy cat food??